幽默的人生物语 成长篇章：咖啡与寂寞的对话

幽默的人生物语
成长篇章：咖啡与寂寞的对话

成长的过程中，总会遇见许许多多的惊喜，惊艳以及盼望。23岁的我，目前还单身，独来独往，不擅长交朋友，不太会表达感情。人生没有什么大目标，只想读好书，尽量做好自己的本分。

人生到底是什么？是期许，展望，成就？还是悲伤，竞争，嫉妒？我相信人生都有这几个特征。每一样来一点，凑在一起就是人生。

我一向来就很喜欢独自一个人在咖啡座，阅读书籍，温习以及思想人生的方向。我到底要的是什么？现在的我，到底和以前的我有什么不一样？为什么改变？我到底为了什么而改变？为何我存在着？我有什么使命？我有什么期许？

一大堆问题值得我用新的思考。想想都已经23岁了，目前还是个在籍大学生。每天的生活千篇一律，上学，读书，回家，睡觉。太阳照样从东边升起，而我，每天也在过着一样的生活程序。

今天，同样的，我在咖啡座温习功课，准备下一个星期的学期考试。不过，我有着新的领悟。

当我在喝着咖啡，观望咖啡座里的顾客，我发现，原来喜欢在咖啡做读书的任何止我一个。咖啡座都是在籍学生，面对着桌上的笔记本，课本，努力的温习着。当然，也有一些一边温习，一边谈天的学生，不过，那也是少许。

除了温习功课的学生，也有独自一个人享用咖啡的顾客。看着他也在苦思些什么，是和我一样吗？人生的哲学？生活的方式？什么值得改变？为什么要改变？

我发现，无论是学生，还是想用咖啡的顾客，都有着共同的特征－他们都是寂寞的人。

我豁然发现，咖啡真的伴随着寂寞。因为没有伴侣而寂寞。因为没有时间寻求娱乐而寂寞。因为工作学业的烦恼而寂寞。人生往往都会让人陷入寂寞的时刻。

而我，这样的时刻，相当普遍。

我的生活也不算非常寂寞无趣。我还蛮喜欢现在的生活，每天寻求着进步，做着有意义的事，像关心这朋友，和朋友对话，恳谈，参与不少创价的活动。以前的我是沉闷无趣的，现在的我开心，开朗了许多。不过，我的人生还脱离不了寂寞。

为什么寂寞？我也不晓得。也许我一向独来独往的缘故。不过我总觉得我的生活要和别人分享，才算完整。可能也是我各自己设下的障碍，我不善于表达，不会自动和刻意的去认识新的朋友。我知道这些的确不好，需要改变，但一旦改变了，生活可能变得更好，但那还是我吗？

改变不是不好，而是你要知道为什么要改变，而且确认自己要改变，和在改变中。一杯咖啡，也是需要多次搅拌才能散发出真正的味道。我相信，人生也一样。相信该做的事，就应该去做。无论结果好坏，也是锻炼自己的过程，拥有着许多价值的经验。

是时候长大了。我想摆脱这样寂寞的我，去尝试不一样的事物了。我希望，以后，我不会因为寂寞而喝咖啡，也不会因为喝着咖啡，才感觉到寂寞。

人和世界都是善变的，我相信，没有所谓的真正的我。因为什么时候的我，都是真是的，只是因为人生的磨练而塑造成那样的我。

人活着的意义就是要不断成长，进步。勇于尝试新的事务，为他人和自己的生活创造更多价值，这样的人生我坚信才是快乐，多姿的。

你可以平淡无奇的过你的人生，也可以轰轰烈烈地度过。我相信，经过一系列的喜怒哀乐将会在你的人生增添着不一样的色彩。这样的人生，才会快乐，不是吗？

Public Transport Woes :: My Thoughts

It has gradually come to my attention that Public Transport woes are happening every single day, the situation is especially so after the major breakdown of the North South Line on Dec 15, 2011. 

It is appalling and surprising that such failures, or rather, a series of failures in both the trains and buses are happening in Singapore, a recognised World Class Public Transport country. Singaporeans would definitely wonder what has gone wrong. Not to mention, not only the public transport standards are deteriorating, the increase in frequency of flooding, large influx of foreign workers, and ungracious behaviour has been happening again and again in Singapore.

Why has Singapore changed so much? We really have to ponder this dont we? 

Let's focus on Public Transport for now. 

I am actually a bus fan with interests of the public transport services in Singapore, especially the Buses. Since young, when the bus fare for students was only 45 cents, I'd happily pick a bus service, and travel from one end to another whenever I'm free. I'm also super excited to see new bus models and would grab the opportunity to board them when I have the chance!

I still remember how comfortable the bus rides were when basically you will have no problems boarding the 1st bus you waited. 

Who can remember there were yellow buses on the roads in the past? It was not until 2004 when SMRT has officially acquired Trans Island Bus Services (TIBS), rebranding it to SMRT Buses. I can never forget the quite satisfying experiences I have with TIBS buses and the drivers then. It was a pleasure riding on them. 

As I was a frequent commuter of Bus Service 163, I have the best of both worlds. 163 was one of the very few bus services which have undergone the handover exercises between Singapore Bus Service (SBS) and Trans Island Bus Service (TIBS) in 1995 and 1999 respectively. From a full non-aircon bus services in SBS, to partial aircon bus service until 1995 when TIBS made 163 full aircon bus services. 

The experience was exhiliarating on both sides. SBS and TIBS generally provides very good bus service standards, or rather, reasonable bus standard then where buses will generally reach the bus stops on time, and that you would have no problems to board the buses at all. You can almost guarantee that you will reach a certain destination at an estimated amount of time. 

However, sad to say, I can't really do that now. I'm forever unsure when can I board my bus (now no longer a frequent commuter of 163), or whether I can board the next train and whether I have to end up walking on train tracks or get stucked in the train due to breakdowns and disruptions. What really annoys me is having to squeeze till the very edge of the bus almost everytime and gasping for air. The travelling experiences in the bus services now definitely is not satisfactory. 

I acknowledge the government's efforts in trying to raise the bus and trains service standards, implemented from 2011, named the Bus Service Enhancement Programme. However, has situation really improved? I would say, yes, but to a limited extent. 




Something you cannot help but agree that the population in Singapore has increased significantly since 2010. I do not want to go about debating how government's treatment towards us locals and foreigners because this is not the issue here. 

My point is, the Bus Service Enhancement Programme (BSEP) aims to ease the public transport travelling experiences and reduce overcrowding. By adding 800 buses on the roads, with 40 new bus routes in the plan may seem to be a feasible solution, however, it is going to trigger to a new problem. LTA also has plans to open new mrt lines in the next 20 years.

With the already congested roads in Singapore, adding more bus services and more buses will result in heavier congestion, and what's next to remedy this problem? More ERP?

Ok back to the topic, I agree that these solutions do help in improving the bus services standards, but without controlling the influx of population, will it actually help the situation? 

I applaud the efforts of both SBS Transit and SMRT in their fleet renewal, especially SBS Transit, renewing almost the whole fleet of theirs to improve comfort level in travelling. However, more has to be done to solve this overcrowding issue. 

The recent video that was uploaded and has gone viral was the 13 bus wait for Service 190 before one can board. 

Bus Service 190 is a notorious bus service under SMRT which has very very very high demand. It is definitely a torture to be inside a bendy bus of 190, standing up squeezing with the other passengers, and travel along the expressway. Of course, it is no wonder why everyone is boarding 190 because it is one of the very few bus routes and the shortest one to get from Choa Chu Kang to Town. 

MRT is always faster than buses? Not for this case.

I would want to comment that I am actually very disappointed in how SMRT is managing their bus services ever since they took over. We have seen many issues that were not surfaced before. Increase in frequency of bus breakdowns, poor maintenance of buses, buses not arriving on time, and lots of other issues which did not surface during the TIBS days. 

SMRT is also making matters worse by not purchasing high capacity buses. With the current limited amount of Bendys they have in their fleet, the problem of overcrowding persisted. This is especially evident in North West region, managed by SMRT, namely Bukit Batok, CHoa Chu Kang and Woodlands and Yishun. 

It just seems that either SMRT does not want to bother about improving their bus services, or they just could not manage. Why not hand some of the bus services, for example 190 over to SBS Transit as I believe they have better capabilities in managing?

I had several unpleasant experiences with Bus Service 857 as well. I had to wait up to 4 buses (around 40 mins) before I can board the bus to school. What if im in a rush to exams? 

I do understand the limited resources SMRT has, but I guess the problem is taking too long. LTA has to solve them by giving some of the bus services to SBS Transit or purchase new high capacity buses for SMRT to cope with the load. 

This comes to another debatable issue on whether government agencies should provided aid to private companies which I do not want to cover in this blog post. 

Let's really hope this situation will improve soon. 

:: Busy Week :: a week of thorough learning

It has been super long since I last blogged. Apologies. I'm super tied up with my projects and hardly had time to breathe. I had such an enriching outdoor session with my "Together Grow" group on Sunday, and from there I've learnt so much and get to know them better.

You know the power of these kind of SSA Gakkai activities is that you will never fail to feel redetermined and renewed after each and every session. You might think I'm kidding and all, but honestly, it is the constant engravement of such teachings and values into yourself that you are able to pick yourself up from the low life condition much easier.

I had alot of things I needa do and TG on Sunday basically took up the whole of my Sunday. 

We were splitted up into 4 groups and played quite alot of team bonding games. We didnt know each other well except Delisa whom is my SMU Senior. We managed to know each other better through playing games, thinking of ideas together and playing together. We didnt do quite well for some games but it doesnt really matter as I feel that as long as we are very clear of the objectives and did our best it was enough. 

We then proceeded to make kites to fly. Unfortunately, hand made kites were very difficult to really fly high up into the sky. As much as we tried, none of the kites managed to fly. However, we had quite a good time figuring out how to make the kite, designing it and making it fly. 

Then within our small groups, we further engaged ourselves into small group dialogues with the readings of the week as the topic. It was 'Fresh Leaves' from NHR Vol. 4. 

It was a loooong 66 pages readings and I took quite long to finish reading. It is definitely a challenge for me, considering that I had alot of school work to cope with as well. Here are some of the pointers I've taken down and also my takeaways:

•  this chapter depicts Sensei's hope in fostering the youths(us) to and sincerely wants us  to grow on our own, not relying on other people as much as possible. 
• I guess this point made me reflect on how I have lived in the past where I'm quite dependent on other people. It just daunted upon me that because of the reliance on other people, I actually do not really learn much from the activities. I strive to overcome this and be independent in future activities that I'm engaged in.
• plant the seeds of growth, be determined to encourage youth and wholeheartedly giving to my members
• this reasonates alot in me. Being a CIC in SMUSD, I felt that I have not done enough in engaging my members. It is very important to keep engaging them and ecnouraging them as they are really precious Bodhisattvas of the Earth! They all have limitless potential waiting to be discovered! I decided to really try my very best to be there for my members everytime, and making sure I see them grow in the process. 
• to develop the deep sense of personal responsibility in all aspects of Gakkai and in life aspects
• this is incredibly important! Without this deep sense of personal responsibility, one can never put in his 100% effort in the task he is given, living a meaningless life, etc. Because u courageously taking up the responsibilities and taking the responsibilities of whatever you are doing, in Gakkai and in other aspects of your life, you know YOU MUST NOT FAIL. It's only through struggling to win in all of them that you see yourself grow in the process. 
• Put in 100% effort to accomplish the responsibility of ours!
• Youths cannot be passive.
• I'm guilty of this. I have always been passive and does not really like to take initiatives nor responsibilities. It is wrong. I read that it is better to try something and make mistakes to be scolded at, than doing nothing and not being scolded. Being a fool for a second beats being a fool forever. You never try you will never know!
• The great mission is being given to the youths, and it is up to us to spread the spirit around. We must be responsible individuals.
• Time management issues: Set a determination to never retreat a single step!
• This is my greatest flaw. I have the tendancy to slack my time away doing nothing, or sleeping, and ended up to realise that I have wasted so much time and couldnt understand what the hell did I did the whole morning etc. This HAS TO CHANGE. Challenge!
• I also have the tendancy to give up easily when I'm met with problems. This has to change too! If you dont challenge to overcome, you will never learn. I must live my life differently. 
• In any situation, challenge our own limits and exert wholeheartedly in all the things and in any situation
• Important! Without challenging our limits and exerting wholeheartedly, the output one produce will never be satisfactory! 
• Study earnestly and work hard!
• As a student, this hit me quite abit. Have I been studying earnestly or working hard? It's time, to buck up and give my all in my studies, ALL OUT. in buddhist studies as well too.
• Have the determination and seeking spirit!
• Seeking spirit leads to self-realisation. We will always ponder on how to improve and what to improve, and how to encourage people to lead a happier life. 
• Without a determination, one can achieve nothing.

You can never believe the actual proof i see for myself just on the Monday itself. I chanted wholeheartedly that I must live my life very differently from now on. That monday, my life condition was so high that I'm really fearless of anything. And I kept telling myself, "there's no time to waste, NO TIME TO WASTE". Woke up at 6am, to faster finish up my FYP stuffs,and rush to school for FA Project meeting. Spend time in the bus to read and do my report. Basically utilising every available time that i can find. 

We started the FA report from scratch at 12noon and finished it completely at 6pm. I was so productive that I couldnt really believe it myself. It is achievable one loh. Unfortunately this life condition lasted till tuesday. 

Again, I'm back to the lazier me on Wednesday so I went to chant hard again. Managed to get back the momentum and move on. However, I admit im rather taken aback by the number of projects I needa do. It's like never ending and its so difficult. How to do? 

Ok never begrudge. I know i ahve to clear one thing by one thing. Be patient be patient. I shall not retreat a single step .

Today, I reviewed through the stuffs I needa do for FYP and theres actually a whole lot of things I need to get settled before the acceptance which is less than 1 month away. I wrote a very long email to my members, updating them and scheduled meetings with them. I hope to deliver the sense of urgency in them and really hope I can lead the group to victory! 

Enriching and power-packed week I would say, and I have lots of stuffs I needa clear! Shall end here and continue my CHALLENGE!!! 

Refreshing Saturday :: The study day ::

Yesterday was breeze as I managed to go to school and settle a few stuffs, mainly 

• WINGS interview on NDP Experiences with Kheng Kia
• FA Revision
• Goldhill Chapter YMD Youth Gathering
• Complete TG Sharing Material

The day started out lazy as I was rather hesitant if I should go out for a run or not. This is not good, have to change. And, so I left for school rather early at around 9 plus in the morning, hopefully to start productive study. 

Well, theres so many distractions in school and I can say that I didnt really study productively. However, I managed to finish reading the NHR Chapter readings for TG. It was when Boon Hui come and study with me I got a bit more focused. 

Later on, I met up with Khengkia and Shannen to proceed with the WINGS Interview. The Interview was awesome as it made me reflect yet again alot about my NDP days. Khengkia too, has seen growth in himself and enjoyed the NDP. I was really glad with what he mentioned in the interview and happy for him that he enjoyed NDP so much. He also came to know more about SSA and our activities. 

Later im back to the study table with Boon Hui to continue my studies. Boon Hui is my member in SMUSD and I really had many things to talk to him about. Promising young man! 

In the evening, I attended Goldhill chapter YMD Youth gathering. It was a small group but we had a meaningful group dialogue! The topic was about Conviction and Prayers and I'm glad that our members, including Kheng Kia shared their thoughts on it and how important prayers are in one's life, and the reason why we chant. 

It is only through dialogues we understand how people actually feel about certain topics and guide and encourage each other accordingly. With prayers, inner life force can be manifested and you can more convicted to do the thngs you set out for! 

Really great to see all of them yesterday and we had a great meeting!

This morning, woke up at 7am. Went for a 5km run, if im not wrong. The run was refreshing. Shall do that more often. Later on, moved on to SMU for Instituition Meeting Kickoff. We had a really great session then as we were all putting in alot of efforts to decide how IM should be like, who should share or do what etc. We also spent 10-15 minutes reading the NHR and everybody come up with their point to share as well. Great learning session from all of them! 

After which, had lunch with Yongjian and a short dialogue,and headed to Alvin's house to study. Supposed to meet another friend with Alvin for lunch but he couldnt make it today. Oh well, i shall stop here and proceed on with my studies! =D

How's your day?

Rainy Thursday :: The new start ::

The campus dialogue yesterday night was especially meaningful as I have finally met up with some of the IS freshies and hear them sharing their concerns. Their concerns were definitely valid and I truly understand as I've been through. 

I set out to help them out as much as I can. I'm actually worried I am too serious in my tone but I honestly hope to reach out and guide them as much as I can, lest they make the mistakes Ive made when i started SMU.

The Campus Dialogue yesterday was really meaningful. We studies on the lecture series on 'The Supremacy of the Law' Part 3, as a wrap up of the entire Lecture Series. We talked about how do we know what is strong faith. On the way sending Karen back, we talked about this topic again and suddenly I had lots of reflections.

Theres this fundemental darkness in everyone. For me, it is often falling into low life condition, doubting my efforts, looking down on myself and wallowing into self pity. It was not until Mingyue pointed this to me that I realise I must challenge to change this. I'm glad that I have been basing on faith to challenge this, making sure that I maintain in a higher ife condition and not drop to LLC so easily. 

Then we talked about NDP days, Karen and I have a fair share of difficulties, obstacles in this NDP Journey. I suffered quite abit of setbacks with my commitments, and alot of times, my comrades encouraged me to pick myself up again. I gave my all in this NDP and truly enjoyed every moment. It is just so important that I have to bring this spirit into my daily life as well. 

So many things to ponder about. Just like this time, I have to do my FYP differently due to the lessons learnt from the previous FYP. Also, the way I treat people and members have to change too. 

Just came across the quote that is so meaningful. 

"Every second is important, every efforts you make in every second constitutes to the mission of Kosen-rufu." - The New Human Revolution Vol. 6. 

Looking at the freshies now is as if looking at myself in the past. I had the same sort of worries, and manage them badly. I hope to help them to manage them better so that they wont make the same mistakes. 

Well, looking good, I'm positive and all set out to achieve my objectives everyday! Let's all live every moment to the fullest! =) 

Morning Wednesday :: Picking the pieces ::

Yesterday was great! Attended EWS lesson and had quite abit of fun working on the in class activity with my group mates during lessons. Such a fun bunch. EWS is rather mind boggling as half of the time we have no idea what's going on. Really, the thought of having the mid term assignment next week scares me. I guess I really need to re do all the labs to familiarise myself with the share point again. 

Went for FYP Meeting after that. I basically conducted the whole meeting. I believe my role is to ensure that the group members know what's happening and how they can start doing work. Somehow, being a PM gives me a greater sense of responsibility. I see myself taking up more tasks that I used to take as a member only. You can say that this is a good thing, but it is also bad, considering how many other commitments I have. I guess, I'm just asking for another opportunity to expand my life even further. 

Planning the schedule was not easy as I basically have to estimate how much time each task should be given and who should be doing it. More often than not, I always consult my member's opinions and plan the schedule. After the client meeting yesterday, there is so many things I have to re plan as the scope is somewhat changed. So I have to do up the these few things

• Schedule
• Project Plan
• Research on various features

While my other team members have other tasks to do. I guess, motivating the team is good. I must ensure I get the job done and hopefully can maintain and improve the morale of the team.

Somehow or rather, I became dead tired when I reach home, knocked out almost immediately after i lay on bed. 

Another thing I had to improve. 

I set my alarm for 4.45am, intending to go for a run before going for the 8.15am lesson. Guess what, I just slept through the alarms and I found myself waking up at 6.30am. Heck! I'm gonna be late! I jumped off my bed and rushed to the toilet. Sorry mum, I had to snatch the toilet from you as I was going to be late. Luckily Mum was almost done already and she was just preparing to leave for work. Love u loads!

I'm so thankful that my Dad offered to fetch me to another bus stop where I can board 857 easily. You have no idea how packed this 857 is during peak hours. Once I had to wait up to 40 minutes to board this bus as I wasnt able to board any of the 857s which passed by due to overcrowding. =.=

Yup, and so, I arrived school early. MA lesson was rather boring, tried to listen properly. Kinda sad that I wasnt able to do my morning gongyo this morning. Shall payback tonight with 1 hour daimoku. 

Received back my MA Test papers, I didnt do too badly, but it wasnt good either. Shall reflect and put in alot more effort on MA. 

Decided to go to SYC to buy the NHR Volume 6 for the TG readings and guess what, the bookshop didnt open. I have to mention my pathetic wait for this 175. The arrival time screen showed 7 minutes at 11.22am when I reached the bus stop. The bus never came, it stayed at 7 minutes all the way till 11.46am and finally the number 6 minutes appear, and the bus came at 11.52am. 

Don't you just find this ultimately ridiculous? I rather be informed that the bus will take around 30 minutes to arrive than being duped that the bus will arrive in 7 minutes, and me having to wait at the bus stop like some idiot? 

Well, lastwarning. 

1 hour plus trip to SYC and the bookshop didnt open. Oh Well!! 

Decided to cab home lest wasting more time. 

Pounced to do my EWS lab and Starhub was down. 

I had to use my hotspot then. 

Everything rather unsmooth today and I just chant that I wont be that affected in any way. 

On the way to the Gym and Campus Dialogue soon. So excited. 

Hope your wednesday has been fine! =)

Feeling Better Tuesday :: Client Meeting and Plans ahead! ::

After a terrible day yesterday, I managed to finish up what I need to do for the client meeting this morning before I head to sleep. 

This client meeting is quite important as we are currently at the phase of gathering requirements and we are meeting the client for the 1st time! Not exactly the first, but first time for the 3 of us, as the 2 who originally met them couldn't make it this morning. 

I took up the PM role for this FYP and I really hope to correct all the flaws and letdowns in the previous FYP team that I'm in. It was a painful lesson for us then but it is also a worthy learning opportunity for all of us. 

The role of a PM is huge. I take this as a challenge for myself to learn and grow. I am also committed to make this FYP an efficient and productive journey, not like previously, endless long and unproductive meetings which is a waste of everybody's time. As a PM, the welfare of the group members matters, and I hope I can also manage my team members well and cater to the best for the group's needs. Let this be an opportunity for me to try new stuff, to learn and to grow. 

The client meeting went very smoothly, as the clients were surprisingly receptive and nice. We had a great meeting. We met at 9.45am and entered the meeting room at 10.30am. We prepared powerpoint slides but there weren't any projectors in the meeting room, so we ended up having to present using my laptop, and Thu took the minutes. 

I kicked off the presentation by explaining to them our project scope, team structure and plans. Fortunately, I had much experience in dealing with clients due to my previous internship learning experiences, I had not much of a problem gathering requirements. I even posed questions which might be essential for our project. 

I'm rather glad and grateful that my clients are rather receptive and my team mates are very nice too. I can feel that all of us are really working very hard for the best of the project. We communicate well, receptive towards each other and don't mind taking up tasks and responsibilities. This is crucial. For a team to work well, everyone needs to know what everyone is doing. I'll make sure this happens for this FYP. 

After the client meeting, we went to have lunch at the newly opened Pastamania in school. Aww, sinful as it is, but still, it is good. I dont remember having meals with my previous FYP team and all that we met up was for project, project and project. Team bonding is essential.

So many things I will do it differently as a PM and I do hope to cater to the best for the team. =) Challenges expected and I guess I'm ready for it. 

Coping with my other modules, with faith, I'm sure I can manage. Excellence shall be all that we will head for! =) 

After that, I went to the bookstore to grab some markers for the meeting tonight and bought some cards. I decided to drop by a member's place tonight as I couldn't home visit him yesterday due to my migraine and unwell body. He is having exams tomorrow already and I think the least I could do is to drop him an encouragement before he starts his exam. I'm sure it will help. 

So many point of reflections for just this morning alone and I decide to really do my best for everything. I shall correct my flaws bit by bit everyday and make sure I'm a improved person everyday.  

Just received whatsapp message from my dearest sister asking me about my flu and migraine. Feels so loved. Thanks alot sis! 

I'm actually fine now, except for some minor flu. 

I hope I'm well enough to go out for a run tonight or tmr morning. 

Life's great if you live your life to be one! 

:: Groggy Monday :: The =.=

As my flu starts to subside, and sore throat gets better, headache bugged me. 

I had no choice but to cancel the home visit I have tonight lest I pass this virus to the member, affecting him and his exams. 

I went to school just for the FA quiz. Luckily it was alright, I had more confidence in this quiz than the one before. However after the quiz, migraine starts to attack me. I had mild headache first, and i thought it was just the effects of the flu and sore throat that i had. 

Nevertheless, I tried to focus onto the lessons, but it was really hard. The headache was so bad that I had to text my mum to pick up up after class, but to no avail. I had to take the bus back. 

When i reached back home, i quickly grabbed 2 panadols to eat, hopefully my headache will ease soon. It was to my horror that the headache just continues and worsens. I walked to the toilet weakly and immediately head to the toilet bowl. The next thing I knew, was throwing up like a merlion. This is the usual case for migraine. Throwing up after consuming panadols. 

It was torturing as the headache doesnt go away. My dad and grandparents were rather worried for me and I feel bad too. I typically had no strength to talk to them in the normal manner, just saying that "It's very painful, but I'm fine"

All I could do was to head back to the bed and sleep. 

Really thanks to my dad for coming over to see if Ive got fever, and gave me 2 panadols and asked me to rest well. Appreciate it. 

After 1.5 hours of sleep, my headache finally subsided but i still felt weak nevertheless. I tried to finish my part of the project before the client's meeting tomorrow.

Shall go and chant and sleep soon. =)

:: Groggy Monday ::

I had such an enriching weekend, and I fell sick at around 4.30pm yesterday. Just when I got the time to get down to my books, and prepare for the quiz today, I was bugged with flu and sore throat. 

I'm not begrudging, not complaining. I let myself rest for 1 hour before I start my fa revision. My head gets real groggy and I have no idea how to go on. I revisited my objective for that night and ensure that I revise through all my revisions before I can sleep.

I wouldn't say the revision was very productive, but I tried to make it to be. Most importantly, I must fulfil my objective before I sleep. 

I slept at 10.30pm and woke up at 3.30am, and I started revision again. I know and am aware that who the hell wakes up at such ungodly hours to study? Me, of course. Yes, I'm aware that this is very unhealthy and unwise, especially when I'm not feeling well already. However, I had not much choice. I had to make sure that at least i know the concepts and be prepared enough for the quiz later. 

My flu and sore throat just got worse. My head feels heavy and I felt feverish. I decided not to attend Ethics class as I think I wouldnt be able to to last through 7 hours of lessons. Hence, I'm at home. 

In the morning at around 9am, one of my friend from internship whatsapped me that his mother just passed away from cardiac arrest. It is a sudden departure for him. I'm definitely sure it is alot for him to take. I am concerned over how he is to cope over the departure of his loved one, and thought of ways to encourage him. I told him, 

"You must stay strong and firm." 

I am sorry that I will not be able to attend the wake as I'm preoccupied with other things planned already. I do hope to have a chance to meet him up soon to encourage him. 

Life's not been easy for everyone. Everyone's struggling with their daily problems. It is important that we all support each other and encourage one another to grit their teeth and move on. 

I chanted for 30 minutes in the morning, chanted sincerely that my flu and sore throat can go away when i take the quiz later and especially when I do the home visit later. I have to make every second count. 

There are some things that I did today that I'm not very happy with, like slacking my time away, taking my illness as an excuse for slow revision progress etc. This has to stop. I'm determined to tackle on such flaws in myself from this moment on. If I cant even handle my own problems, I wont be expected to help other people with their problems. This definitely has to stop. 

Renew your determinations everyday and do your best to create value in your life and other people's lives. How meaningful a life can be if all that you are going after is only for yourself right? 

I have a home visit tonight. My member is going to have his exams soon and I hope I can do my part to at least know how he is doing and chant together with him. 

As for myself, I have to rush a few work after I come back from the home visit later for a client meeting tomorrow. With that said, this shall be my blog entry to pen down my thoughts.

Hope you have a great monday too!